Quiet success (and other musings)

Our brunch/Bible study day went off without a hitch, finally, even on 3 hours sleep. I think what kept me up was my thoughts of family and how many new worries I have as our daughter gets older. And I came to the realization, as cliche as it sounds, that I am more like my own mother now than I ever have been. That's a good thing, by the way. But I still have much to learn in her ways, especially grace and patience. Those seem to elude me still....

We have the same worry wrinkle between our eyebrows. Hers has always been deeper than mine, but I have a feeling as our daughter gets closer to her teenage years, I won't have trouble catching up to the canyon I created for Mom. She's been applying anti-wrinkle cream to that spot for going on 10 years. I probably owe her a bottle or two by now.

I understand so many things, when I take the time to quiet my heart and listen to the Lord speak to me. Last night it revolved around my fears for our daughter in a world that seems to distort all that we try to teach her, especially with regard to God and the Bible. I know, talking about such things makes many people uncomfortable. I wonder, who of those same people consider how uncomfortable it makes us to NOT talk about God, or even more to hear other people deny Him and try to keep us from being able to teach our children about Him.

I can't explain how fulfilling it was for me to spend yesterday and today preparing food and putting together this meager gathering for our family and 3 other women. And my gratefulness to my husband is indescribible , for the efforts and enthusiasm he put forth for such a small, yet meaningful, occasion. He consistently pleases and surprises me. But the most rewarding and mysterious part of this was how freeing it felt to openly discuss our own life challenges in the context of God's plan for our lives.

One would think that working in a Catholic hospital would provide some outlet for such conversation, but unfortunately I don't think it's that easy. Without going into a long(er) story, I still feel like I missed the opportunity to save a man (truly save, not in the physical sense) from death the other night. I did all I could do to save his worn and broken body, but when the Lord spoke to me in the quiet of the beeping monitors and rapid breathing, when it was just him and me, I failed to listen. In fact, I ignored God. And I attribute that to an insecurity of how my employer would interpret my witnessing, but more so to a simple and immature fear. One that stems from my own selfishness and wish to not be uncomfortable.

So from now on, when the Spirit moves me, I'm going to do my very best to say what I'm feeling, regardless of who I may offend. Because in the long run, I'm not here to please y'all. I've got my reward waiting, after I take up this cross and follow.