The Unknown

There is something about the abyss of the unknown that seems to draw me to it. I have found, through occasional self-analysis, that I see the unknown as a sort of black hole that waits for me to finally make up my mind and jump in. I walk and walk around the hole in front of me, contemplating often silently to myself about the prospect of jumping in, what problems might occur if I do, how unhappy I am with the current situation at the time, and ultimately if jumping in is really a good idea. Then, more often than not, I suddenly make up my mind and jump. Like I did when I got married after having known my wonderful husband for all of 3 months. Friends, family, and most bystanders see me as a spontaneous and impetuous person after numerous encounters with these black holes. But what they don't see is the drawn-out internal dialogue that precedes these mammoth leaps.

That being said, I jumped the other day. Just up and left a well-paying, highly technical, interestingly mundane ER job for the fast-paced work of an executive at an assisted living. Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum. Maybe I just get bored too easily. Or maybe it's difficult for me to find satisfaction in handing out doses of narcotics to God-only-knows-who and hoping they're really going to use them for the chronic back pain they have at 24 years old....could be a combination of the two....nevertheless, I am now in charge of every resident, medication, chart, mess, screw-up and "I don't know, no one ever taught me how" that exists in this fine facility. And I thought this would be a lower stress job....I must have had those damn rosey glasses on again.

So, I have rediscovered the art of phone tag (it really is an art), and doctor's office diplomacy (could you PLEASE fax me that order for Milk of Magnesia?! Bob REALLY needs to poop, and the state says I can't give it without a signature...yes I know you can buy it at the corner store, but I still need an order...thank you nurse-who will pass this request along to the very, very busy family physician. I will look for the fax next year.) I have also learned that things are considered organized as long as someone, in the group of nurses that came into this position before me, had some sort of "system". I have yet to figure this system out, and truly, I quit trying my second day there. I am now developing my own system that has a revolutionary foundation to ensure successful implementation---are you ready? This is going to be new and unheard of, and nobody better steal it, because it belongs to me....here it goes....

Common sense. I know. Shocking, isn't it? Everything has a place, that way the desk monster doesn't get his daily feeding of really, really important corporate papers or little-bitty notes that have vital information on it from the night shift (apparently, paper bigger than 2" across disappears after 6 pm). And, I have this really annoying habit (that has worked quite well for me this last week)--I keep to-do lists. And then (get ready for this one)--I cross things off on that list when I get them done!!! And THEN (I know, you can't take much more of the shock)--I add more to the list throughout the day when other things come up!!! I should patent this new invention.

Jaded, you say? Cynical? Well, that's very possible. ER will do that to you; I think that's something I'll never be able to shake. But more than that, I've always been a smart-ass. I see things differently than most people do. I guess that's why I keep jumping into those holes while everyone else stands around and wishes they could do the same.