Don't forget to chew

So, I was at work tonight and was suddenly presented with a very attractive (at the time) opportunity to eat a Chipotle burrito--for those of you who don't know what that is, imagine four of those little bitty frozen burritos all made into one, in a giant 12 inch tortilla. Keep in mind, as an ER nurse, I have seen two ACTUAL 30 minute breaks in 4 months, which makes it quite difficult to taste, let alone enjoy, whatever I am trying to eat. So, I think I may have chewed once per mouthful of said burrito, and finished it in record time of 3-5 minutes (if we count interruptions for breathing and handing charts to the doctor). Water immediately preceded, and followed, the ingestion of this mammoth delicacy but, unfortunately, was not involved during the inhalation.

Now, for anyone who has even a vague understanding of the human body, you can imagine the symptoms I began to display approximately 2 hours after I did this. I can say, with definite certainty, that if my intestines could scream, one could have heard it on the 11th floor of the hospital. I lost count of the comments along the lines of "are you okay? you don't look so good" which were then followed by "we need to get you in a bed....are you allergic to any medications?...here, take this." One tiny pill and numerous assurances of "I'm fine, I'll be okay" later, the left upper quadrant piercing abdominal pain reduced me to tears and I decided to let the three other nurses offering to take my patients do just that.

I proceeded to gather up my things to go home. I almost made it to the door, but stopped in my tracks when a rather large woman rolled through the bay doors and caught my attention. She was headed my direction, toward the one empty room left in the section, and my sense of duty compelled me to take "just one more patient". But moreover, it was the screaming of "oh my God, I've never hurt like this before, somebody help me, I'm dying!" that piqued my curiosity. I found it strange that she was verbalizing my own thoughts; it was like I was a ventriloquist or was throwing my voice or something....I think I might believe in ESP now. Needless to say, I am finally at home, thankful that I did not allow my co-workers to convince me that I needed to be examined. There are just some things you don't wish to divulge to your peers, especially anything related to the question "when was the last time you had a bowel movement, and was it normal?" Instead, a little milk of magnesia, some prune juice, and a nice hot bath will get things moving along just in time for me to return to the land of pain tomorrow, sans giant burrito.